Food Eating Fetish-ist Ate My Birthday Cake!

I bought a delicious three-layer cake for all of you for my birthday!

And don't worry about the whole cake fucking thing last year - and if you had some and got sick, you can't say I didn't warn you - but this year I watched the production and I promise, no one fucked this cake.

So go on and have a piece!



Of course, don't put your fingers near it's mouth or it might eat your fingers too.

Is it just me or does that face look like something off "The Hills Have Eyes"? Is she their MOTHER!?

Food Eating Fetish

Food eating fetish combined with a burping fetish. Now all we need is for her to lean to the left and start farting and she's got the trifecta!

I don't get it. How is this considered sexy? At least she's not a giant BBW obese pig, but other than a pretty girl eating, what makes this sexy? How does someone's brain begin to relate eating food to a hard-on? Seriously.

BDSM Fuck: Slow Torture Puke Chamber

Do you remember when I showed the Maskhead snuff movie? That movie was messed up, right? Like someone wanted to make porn, but didn't want to work with an actual porn agency for marketing so they just made a shitty horror movie instead.

Well, I come baring more treats very similar to the Maskhead snuff movie. Movies like this have a little bit of every fetish and a whole lot to laugh at. Let's begin by laughing at the writer/producer/director of today's movie titled "Slow Torture Puke Chamber". He has dubbed himself Lucifer Valentine - at least I assume his parents weren't insane enough to name their child Lucifer. You never know.

In the opening credits alone you get to watch fake cocks shoot fake blood all over a probably real stripper. Who could ask for more from a movie?




True to Lucifer Valentine's name, he has created some really sick and retarded BDSM and brutal pornography and then labeled it with a horror movie tag instead of marketing it to perverts who enjoy snuff videos and a bad BDSM fuck.

This is yet another BDSM clip where I can't list all the actual fetishes in the tags so I'm just going to put some of the fetishes in order of how they appear. You can try to scroll through if there's a particular one you want to whack off to, you sick fuck.

Cumshot blood
Vomit fetish
Asphyxiation, possibly autoerotic asphyxiation. It was hard to tell.
Piss slave
Incest fetish with an Elektra complex.
More self-induced vomit fetish, but it's blood and she drinks it.
Gagging
Even more vomit fetish
Drunken sleeping fetish
Advanced masturbation techniques with a Crucifix; it's like Jesus is cunt-punting you.
Bondage artwork
More vomit fetish. You're seeing a theme here, right? One girl pukes up blood, the other pukes up... stuff. They both keep masturbating with their crucifixes.
BDSM fuck with a crucifix - someone else brutally fucks this girl with it instead of masturbation.
Food eating fetish mixed with
Bug fetish
Girls drinking piss and calling herself a piss slave
Autoerotic asphyxiation
Prostitution
More piss slave action
BBW obese girl getting beaten
More vomit fetish!
More African BBW girl.
Period fetish
Pregnancy fetish
Snuff fetish
And more vomit fetish
Male gagging and vomit fetish; it's not just for women. I actually think that fat, unattractive guy is Lucifer Valentine himself. I can't imagine anyone else wanting to pretend to devour a baby.
More vomit fetish with the BBW obese girl eating it.
And the piss slave is back.
Baby rape
More vomit fetish with the African BBW being forced to drink it.
More piss slave girl.
Fat guy vomit fetish again; I guess he wasn't really that into the baby rape.
Girls drinking piss again.
Rape fetish sex stories
I'm really tired of listing the vomit fetish stuff, so... let's just assume there's a lot more vomiting.
Autoerotic asphyxiation leading to snuff to finish the horrendous stupidity of this movie off.

And now that I have watched all of that, I'm going to bill Lucifer Valentine for my psychiatric bills... Not! That movie was not nearly as shocking and disgusting as he probably thinks it is. I routinely see worse on amateur porn sites.

Post Valentines Desserts

I waited until after Valentines Day to share these precious desserts because... well it's obviously not Valentines Day desserts that they're using. It is really freaky though and all the leftover Valentines candy I saw at the store made me think about this.

Two late 30's women are dressed up in slutty clothing in childish colors, one of them even looks like that pink haired girl from Lazy Town, and one gets big suckers shoved up her pussy.

Serious pussy stretching going on with candy; I ... never wanted to imagine this at all, but now I do want to laugh at it.




Can you say yeast infection? She will be tomorrow. The yeast will be feasting on those jellybeans stuck in her snatch for days!

Valentines Gift Baskets

I didn't feel much like finding any weird fetish sex pics, stories or videos today so I've opted to put together virtual Valentines gift baskets that you can present to your loved ones, friends, family, exes and enemies either for a good laugh or to suggest they entertain themselves in such a way.

First up is the use of chocolate as Valentines desserts:

Tits and a chocolate food fetish



Food eating fetish orgy

There is no holiday more perfect for the balloon fetish video community than Valentines Day. So next up, balloon looner:

Lesbian balloon popping fetish

Valentines Day balloon popping

When you can't get a date you need to find a way to be your own Valentine:

Autofellation video love

Valentines Day masturbation

Valentines Desserts

More Valentines Day games with chocolate!

According to the throaty, whispery porn star - whom I want to punch for using that fake, stupid sounding voice - this is a hot fudge sundae, so maybe it's more like Valentines desserts than games.

I've never seen three girls pretend to be so happy about sharing one rather lame and unimpressive Valentines dessert before.

Valentines Day Games with Chocolate

I'm kicking off Valentines Day early with some tips for Valentines Day games, desserts, toys and other ideas for the holiday!

What are Valentines Day games without chocolate? Nothing, I tell you, absolutely nothing! So go buy some chocolate sauce and prepare a sexy Valentines Day game for yourself and your lover. Or just yourself if you're single; no reason you can't treat yourself.

Boobs covered in chocolate aught to be great Valentines Day desserts, but... there's something wonky and nasty about those tits. Definitely lulz-worthy, but not Valentines worthy.



What is this guy's obsession with making those saggy tits clap? I made my boobs clap once just to see if it would work. It did, but there was absolutely nothing sexy about it (and my boobs look better than hers) and it was really uncomfortable.

Maskhead Horror Snuff: Balloon Popping Fetish and More

Well if you're like me, you're getting a little tired of those anthro sex photos from the last week, so let's move on to something else.

I'm a big horror movie fan and after having watched everything Hollywood could churn out, anything noteworthy from the Brits and even some things from New Zealand, I started turning to B-rated horror movies - okay, maybe they're more like Q-rated horror movies - to get my horror movie fix.

Sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised at the quality of these movies.

Sometimes I'm not.

And sometimes, I'm shocked at how people try to make horror porno films, but can't get anyone to take off their clothes so they just classify it as horror. This movie is something like that. It's called Maskhead and there is no discernible plot to the entire movie.

What it does have, is a lot of really weird fetishes. It's like someone watched every video, photo and article I ever posted, added a Plasterhead style killer and tried to make a sick, fetish video. ...only none of the actors wanted to get naked after reading how shitty the script was.

What you end up with, is this train wreck of a balloon fetish video with focus on the balloon popping fetish, food eating fetish, pissing fetishes, dog play fetishes, weird costumes like clowns and finally, snuff.


Oh, and let's not forget the very end where we have a weird rape fetish with pussy stretching. Our bad guy, Maskhead, inserts a 2X4 dildo with nails in it, into a woman's vagina. They actually show her vagina gushing blood - if you watch for nothing else, watch for that; it's a rip roaring good laugh.

Watermelon Sex

Close your eyes while watching this. It actually sounds like normal sex - well slightly squishy, but still mostly normal sex.

Open your eyes and … he’s fucking a watermelon. Yes, a watermelon. Women use vegetables in the ass and men use fruit.


The end grosses me out. This is the same guy from the double sounding rod video; he apparently has a talent for putting things in his mouth that make me gag.